A Letter to…Subway

Dear Subway,

I tried to be healthy and ignored the siren call of your Baked Lays heaven-bites the other day. I was rushing to grab lunch before heading back to the office for a packed afternoon. On my way through the line, I pulled a bag of your apple slices out of the fridge, practically glowing with my glowing practicality.

Back at work I ate a few apple slices and thought, “There’s something not right here…” At first it appeared that the “you won’t die before you eat this” date was not printed anywhere on the bag. I finally found a faded stamp, which upon closer examination clearly read December 18, 2014. I was eating said apples on December 23. Given that you already push those dates as far out as possible, I’m sure, I’m feeling like those apples were pretty much hell bites. Had I gone further into the bag, I was likely to lose the rest of my lunch.

Should have gone with the chips.


Thanks for being so gross,


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